Lost and found

One of my favourite things is getting lost. As I child I loved riding out on bikes with my brother and I would say, “let’s get lost”. I am not sure that he yearned for it as I did, but he did indulge me, or at least, he would pretend that we were lost and let me find the way back home.

Norah Jones said it beautifully in a Hat Full of Sky - no, that is a Terry Pratchett novel - I mean, a hat full of something, in I Always Take The Long Way Home. If that was the name of the song...?

This is menopause, for me, I start telling one story but soon veer off into another, and then sooner or later, sometimes days later, I remember where I began. Ah, rain, that was it, Norah Jones had a hat full of rain.

It is so lovely to give into my menopause brain, as my mind wanders and forgets and then picks up the trail again.

Because of course, the beauty of getting lost is being found again.

Thanks to an Instagram story a friend sent me, I learned about the heavenly beach huts at Holland-on-Sea in Essex.

I spent a day there with my parents and waded in the chilly sea with my dad. He is partially sighted at the moment, but does not lose his courage as he pulls me deeper into the water that he cannot really see but by some natural navigation knows where he is, I think he would swim to the original Holland if he could.

Fear of losing ourselves is easily remedied, just Lose Yourself, as Eminem told us. "You’ve only got one shot, do not miss your chance to blow, 'cos opportunity comes once in a lifetime" - but hopefully, neither menopause nor meditation will give us just one chance.

When we meditate, the opportunity to come back, to find ourselves, is always there. As my teacher, Michelle Locke reminds us, we never really left. Our energy, our awareness, the source of our being, is there waiting for us, to acknowledge it, use it, enjoy it.

Sitting in our superb beach hut, at £27.50 for the day, it is not much for a little piece of heaven, my eyes rested as I looked out to sea, I noticed myself breathing more fully and I felt gratitude expand within my chest and head, and realised. As much as I love getting lost, it only works because I love being found.

What makes you feel powerful?

“What works for me is yoga”, a friend said to me recently. It is true for me too, and has been for nearly 30 years now. After just a few minutes of pranayama, asana or sun salutation, I can feel like a queen with my own imperfect self.

I may ache, have parts with little feeling, I may feel that I am my own worst enemy at times, but yoga can transform me into power and aliveness, and if I am lucky, into gratitude for what I have.

Maintaining a practice over many years is not easy. There are so many distractions! Not to mention excuses, reasons, envy, self-doubt… In those moments, if I see someone else doing yoga and feel envious or notice I am judging others or myself harshly, I can take it as a helpful flag, a courageous smile, a pill - as people say in Sicily, not to give a monkey’s and just please myself! (It is quite a bit ruder than that, but you get the gist).

It is an opportunity to turn towards myself and listen to what part of the body is calling for attention and needs support and challenge.

The daily yoga and meditation that never fails me is washing the dishes, and kindness to myself when I am in difficulty - these are the support, the running water, the making new, and the challenge, because kindness can be the hardest thing when I am backed against the wall.

When I am on the mat, I think it helps to question the posture, in a feeling way, is this working for me? Am I here or is my mind and energy elsewhere? It might be that talking to someone or doing some housework or sending an email is what I need to do more than holding a pose.

I remember my favourite asana, pranayama or yoga practice and ask myself why it is a favourite. Do I still like it, how does it make me feel in this moment?

It is important not to get hung up on what I think I should be doing, what matters is how it is for me now and whether it serves me as I am now.

Being open to what yoga can do for me in each moment is the best way that I can practise. I go back to old forgotten practices, I try something I never thought I would - with adequate support! I try something I have never heard of before, and I trust myself.

What makes you feel powerful? Does yoga help?

Peace, Om Shanti